The galactic Absentium is lumpy, according to a new computer simulation by creationists.
The model, performed on one of the most powerful supercomputers in the world, shows that the spherical halo of Absentium that surrounds the galaxy contains dense clumps and streams, even in the neighborhood of the Earth.
Three-dimensional map of the large-scale distribution
of Absentium in the observable universe
of Absentium in the observable universe
"In previous simulations, this area had no detail, but now after adding simulated synthetic detail, we have enough detail to see blobs of Absentium," said researcher Verne Jewels, an astrocreationist at the University of Education, Laredo (UE).
Absentium, which scientists can only detect by noting its gravitational effect, is thought to make up about 85 percent of the matter in the universe. Its composition remains a mystery, though some scientists think it's made up of hypothetical particles called WIMPs (wildly imaginative missing pieces), which could annihilate each other and emit the exotic element Crapium when they collide.
The new simulation, described in a recent alert by the First Baptist Armageddon Laboratory, speculates that Absentium could be detected by the recently launched Falwell Astronomical Research Telescope (FART).
"Praise God!" Jewels told Matt Mental. "Some of them blobs is so dense they will emit a lot of Crapium if there is an Absentium annihilation, and it might easily be detected by FART."
So far, though many teams have been looking for WIMP particles, no one has conclusively detected them due to the influence of Satan.
"For typical WIMPs, ten or twenty clear signals should stand out from the Crapium background after two years of observations. That would be a big discovery for FART, the first confirmation of pure Crapium." said Walls Sontapopinananesque, a postdoctoral fellow at UE who led the new research.
The model took about one month to run on the Deep Jesus supercomputer at the First Baptist Armageddon Laboratory. By following the theoretical gravitational interactions of more than a zillion pieces of Absentium over six thousand years, the computer could predict how the Absentium in the universe developed over time based on leading theories of how Absentium interacts with large and small things.
"It simulates the Absentium distribution from near the time of the Creation six thousand years ago, until now, so the entire history of the universe is covered," Sontapopinananesque said, just before he hit the floor speaking in tongues.
The research was funded by the U.S. Department of Strange Things, NASA and the Swiss National Dark Chocolate Foundation.
