Your Two O'Clock

The Many Faces Of Obama

Obama thinking.

Obama excited.

Obama engaged.

Obama calm.

Obama numb.

What Could It Be?

During a riveting discussion with a gardening expert, Prince Charles suddenly senses danger...

Secure Astronomy

Early large Newtonian hybrid telescope. Doubles as a cannon so that intruding light sources can be shelled.

Note the balls.

GAGA Eyes

It wasn't long after they met that Jesus feel madly for George.

Saving Soles

Today the Bush White House unveiled a new rule requiring all staff and visitors to wear soft, fluffy slippers while on the premises.

The slippers are made of rehabilitating lambs wool, used in physiotherapy and natural suede. The wool is soft and cozy. The soles are made of one layer of wool, one thick layer of foam and a layer of natural leather. They are also recommended for people suffering from delusions.

When asked why he had imposed the new regulation, President Bush, speaking from behind a portable Plexiglas shield and wearing a helmet, said "I'm the only one allowed to wear shoes here now 'cause I won't get fooled again."

Something Funny

It's funny. You can go and see the original US Constitution; the original document, and read it in English. However, there are divisions and schools of thought over what it means. Yet, the Bible has no original documents and people claim to know exactly what it says.

That's funny.

Observational Interruptus

God intervenes just as Howard is about to discover the truth.

Near Earth Objects

Doctor Bagly and his astronomical team slowly came to realize that the rogue asteroid fit no known category.

George Bush Meets With Lively Sudanese Tablecloth

George Bush meets with a lively Sudanese tablecloth at the White House.

The striking black white and red highlights one of the most popular trends in interior design as it is dramatic and effortless in its minimal approach.

Basic black also allows a little colour to go a long way. A black linen tablecloth or runner sets the stage for the vibrancy and impact of a strong colour such as red. Or, for a clean and classy look try this black white and red linen combo together with neutrals such as stone, natural and ivory.

100% Irish linen. Hemstitched border. Fully machine washable.

Snobs

Ultimately, the experts are the last to know.

Obama Is Coming In

Fourth and eight trillion, and Obama is coming in to attempt a 265,000 mile field goal.

Monolithic Terms

We commonly use terms that imply a monolithic structure. Terms like 'the police' and 'the government'. We will know when social order breaks down when these monolithic terms break down.

For example:
If, when we require 'OUR Police' to protect us from 'THEIR police', we will know that a social upheaval is in progress. Should this occur, 'THE Government' will soon follow like this:
You won't want to be 'THEIR' when that happens.

Bubbles

	There is much talk these days about bubbles. The mortgage or real estate bubble, the tech bubble, and the soon to pop commercial real estate bubble. Bubbles, like all forms of growth within a finite system, are unsustainable. Most media talk about bubbles focuses on those of the financial type. But there is another bubble that is currently being created. This bubble concerns me the most. People with nothing left to loose are being created at a very high rate. When does the poor and disadvantaged bubble pop?
	-

Balance

Do we have Ultimate Truth yet?

Are We There Yet?

Is this the economy?

Future Telescope Names

In the finest tradition of one-upmanship:

• Look How Big I Am Telescope (LHBIAT)

• Insanely Massive Telescope (IMT)

• Monumentally Huge Optical Unit (MHOU)

• Fucking Unbelievably Large Telescope (FULT)

• Gigantic Light Bucket (GLB)

• The Infinite Eye Of God (TIEOG)

• I Can't Believe How Big This Is (ICBHBTI)

• Pack. We're Going To The Other Side Of The Mirror (PWGTTOSOTM)

• I'm Afraid Telescope (IAT)

• LightZilla (LZ)

• Saints Preserve Us Telescope (SPUT)

• The Photonitron (TP)

Fate

	Fear shouldn't scare you; it should just motivate you to make your next mistake.
	- Dr. E. Benton Figgs

The Prince And The Hose

HRH Prince Charles is introduced to a hose in Africa. Even though it is only a partial hose, future plans call for royal meetings with full length hoses on a worldwide basis.

Mobile Reputation Destruction Services

Now this is an exciting new business opportunity, perhaps a franchise is in the planning stage.

Rehab

You...quickly! Is this logically possible or empirically possible?

I Drew An X

As you can see, the closer we move to an oligarchy, the more fawning the media becomes to the power structure.

Isn't that interesting?

Eye Nose

	"Sir, may I request a small concession from you?" "Of course, Jentili." "Sir, I find it irrational that I am required to iron your socks." "Irrational? You mean not sensible or useful Jentili?" "Exactly Sir." "Jentili, a sharp crease in my socks is pleasing to my eye." "But when your shoes are on Sir, that crease is not visible." "But Jentili, when I take my socks out of the sock drawer and look at the sharp crease you have ironed into them, I have an aesthetic event. Do you wish to deprive me of that?" "Not if I can stop putting velvet liners in your handkerchiefs Sir." "Deal Jentili."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Aggressive Muffin Techniques

	"Jentili, I require a muffin." "What kind would you like Sir?" "It doesn't matter Jentili, I will not be eating it." "Sir, may I ask..." "And another thing Jentili, bring me some dental floss." "Yes Sir, one muffin and dental floss then?" "Yes Jentili." "Sir, curiosity compels me to ask why you want dental floss and a muffin you do not plan to eat." "I intend to garrote the muffin using the dental floss." "Sir, couldn't you think of something more humane?" "Only if it was alive Jentili." "Then I recommend bran Sir, it invokes the greatest sense of guilt."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Research As Punishment

Nuclear Aesthetics

(P)ost (H)ole (D)igger

	Many of your opinions are theories with no experience to verify them as true. They are built by inference. That is why Harvard rejected you. They felt you didn't need the degree.
	- Dr. Laslow F. Zetz

I Beg Your Pardon

	A cynic would say the last thing you heard.
	- Dr. E. Havard Roach

How To Argue With A Neocon

Tired of being shouted down in an argument with your local neocon? Then grab the new NeoGone PT 130.

The PT 130 emits a sustained 180 decibel blast that randomly fluctuates between 2000 and 4000 Hz, a damaging sonic assault to be sure.

So don't yell over them any more, relax and blast them into stunned silence with the NeoGone PT 130.

Couch Tumor

Golden Bull

	"Sir, why are the Christians praying to a golden cow on Wall Street?" "Jentili, they are not praying to a golden cow. It's a golden bull. They are asking God for a market rally." "I didn't know God was interested in the stock market Sir." "Jentili, I didn't know that idolatry is now nouveau Christian." "But Sir, why would they go to Wall Street to ask God for a market rally?" "Because Jentili, He works for JP Morgan."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

The Dog

	"Sir, I seem to be having some difficulty in locating the dog." "Barker is missing Jentili?" "I thought he might be in here with you Sir." "Don't be ridiculous Jentili, Barker is afraid of enclosed spaces like my neutral buoyancy tank." "I'm at a loss Sir." "Jentili, did you try the usual summoning techniques?" "Yes Sir. The air raid siren was not successful. The laser display against the clouds did not work. The orange smoke bombs on the front lawn, and the playing of the Zimbabwe national anthem at 193 decibels all failed." "When was the last time you saw him Jentili?" "In London Sir, when you met the Queen." "Yes, I remember now Jentili, I told Barker to stay."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Whackjobs And Wingnuts

	"Jentili, what did you think of that last person on TV?" "I'm afraid Sir, he was a whackjob." "You mean a wingnut Jentili?" "I confess Sir, I don’t know the difference." "Let me explain Jentili: a wingnut is simply quietly insane. Think of a fundamentalist Christian as an example. A whackjob, is a wingnut who has resolved that violence against those he opposes is justified." "So a whackjob is a violent, armed wingnut?" "Exactly Jentili." "Do they have to be religious Sir?" "Jentili, how else is the leader going to finance the private jet, or the mansion, or the hookers?" "You forgot the drugs Sir." "No Jentili, they're right here."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Matt Meets The Queen

	"Sir, the Queen has entered the reception." "Thank you Jentili, now please remain inconspicuous." "She's only two people away from you now Sir." "That was very helpful Jentili, I thought it was Lord Goldsmith in drag." "How do you do your Majesty?" "Very well, thank you Mr. Mental." "You know your Majesty, I was walking in downtown London maybe twenty years ago; and I looked up, and there was your mother waving to me from a car." "Well, isn't that lovely." "She was wearing a sky blue dress and hat." "It was one of her favourite colours." "I have only one question your Majesty: was your mother in fact there?" "Mister Mental, who is that irritating person behind you?"
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations