Golden Bull

	"Sir, why are the Christians praying to a golden cow on Wall Street?" "Jentili, they are not praying to a golden cow. It's a golden bull. They are asking God for a market rally." "I didn't know God was interested in the stock market Sir." "Jentili, I didn't know that idolatry is now nouveau Christian." "But Sir, why would they go to Wall Street to ask God for a market rally?" "Because Jentili, He works for JP Morgan."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

The Dog

	"Sir, I seem to be having some difficulty in locating the dog." "Barker is missing Jentili?" "I thought he might be in here with you Sir." "Don't be ridiculous Jentili, Barker is afraid of enclosed spaces like my neutral buoyancy tank." "I'm at a loss Sir." "Jentili, did you try the usual summoning techniques?" "Yes Sir. The air raid siren was not successful. The laser display against the clouds did not work. The orange smoke bombs on the front lawn, and the playing of the Zimbabwe national anthem at 193 decibels all failed." "When was the last time you saw him Jentili?" "In London Sir, when you met the Queen." "Yes, I remember now Jentili, I told Barker to stay."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Whackjobs And Wingnuts

	"Jentili, what did you think of that last person on TV?" "I'm afraid Sir, he was a whackjob." "You mean a wingnut Jentili?" "I confess Sir, I don’t know the difference." "Let me explain Jentili: a wingnut is simply quietly insane. Think of a fundamentalist Christian as an example. A whackjob, is a wingnut who has resolved that violence against those he opposes is justified." "So a whackjob is a violent, armed wingnut?" "Exactly Jentili." "Do they have to be religious Sir?" "Jentili, how else is the leader going to finance the private jet, or the mansion, or the hookers?" "You forgot the drugs Sir." "No Jentili, they're right here."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Matt Meets The Queen

	"Sir, the Queen has entered the reception." "Thank you Jentili, now please remain inconspicuous." "She's only two people away from you now Sir." "That was very helpful Jentili, I thought it was Lord Goldsmith in drag." "How do you do your Majesty?" "Very well, thank you Mr. Mental." "You know your Majesty, I was walking in downtown London maybe twenty years ago; and I looked up, and there was your mother waving to me from a car." "Well, isn't that lovely." "She was wearing a sky blue dress and hat." "It was one of her favourite colours." "I have only one question your Majesty: was your mother in fact there?" "Mister Mental, who is that irritating person behind you?"
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Jesus Trades

Jesus looking at his trading screen in disbelief as the DOW flirts with a downside limit lock.

Ceeing Klearly

	"Sir, I am deeply concerned about global warming and greenhouse gases." "You FOOL Jentili! Choice of model determines interpretation of data!" "I'm sorry Sir." "FOOL! Fuh fuh fuh OOOOOL!" "I truly apologize Sir." "Fuh. Ouu. El!" "Yes Sir, I admit I am a fool." "Jentili, what model is that?"
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

The Bush Doctrine

	"Ah Jentili, it says on the news that a convenience store operator shot and killed a customer last night." "What for Sir?" "He said that two men came in late last night. He was suspicious of one of them, so he shot him as a preemptive strike. The other customer ran out and got the police." "Was the clerk arrested Sir?" "Yes Jentili. He said that he may have been wrong about the intentions of the customer he shot, but he was right to kill him." "Ludicrous Sir!" "Oh I don't think so Jentili..." "How can you defend cold blooded murder, Sir." "The Bush Doctrine, Jentili." "Sir, may I ask, are you ever suspicious of me?" "Of course not Jentili, I'm registered as independent."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

An Obscenity

	"Jentili, it seems that the biggest emotional reactions to the term 'obscene' are related to consumption." "Consumption in the sense of consumerism Sir?" "Yes Jentili, it's puzzling, I just don't see it." "Another cup of DARJEELING Silver Tips Sir?" "Obviously. Another 'Queen of Teas' for Moi."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Another Day At The Office

"Dear Jesus, your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter..."

He's An Intellectual

	'He's an intellectual'. This means he went to Harvard, where he was 'educated' beyond his mental capacity. This is what turned him into a pompous buffoon. He was allowed to keep the degree and the tie pin.
	- Oswald W. Pocus

The Bailout

	That's a bold and decisive plan. Unfortunately the problem it addresses isn't the problem we're currently facing. Because of the gravity of the problem we have, implementing the proposed solution would be catastrophic. But it's a fabulous plan!!
	- T. Herman Flunt

Fear Religion

Your New Status

You are no longer a citizen - you are now a suspect.

Guidance

	Anger is good for propulsion, but is not effective for guidance. For guidance, use revenge.
	- Dr. Phorbes Finn

Exception To The Rule

	Logically, a solution cannot be the same as the problem. Unless you can train your cat to take out the garbage. That's the only exception I know.
	- Prof. T. Henry Carver

A Worrisome Trend For Some

	There seems to be a trend developing among conservative Americans of fantasizing about liberal gun use on politicians.  Perhaps being robbed has something to do with it.
	- Dr. April Stint-Phlibette

A polite Request