Various Royal Pointing Gestures By Prince Charles

Prince Charles pointing up.

Prince Charles pointing to his right, perhaps sensing danger.

Prince Charles pointing to his right and slightly down.

Prince Charles pointing up again.

All pointing gestures are done with the right hand. Does this matter? I strongly doubt it.

George Bush Meets With Lively Sudanese Tablecloth

George Bush meets with a lively Sudanese tablecloth at the White House.

The striking black white and red highlights one of the most popular trends in interior design as it is dramatic and effortless in its minimal approach.

Basic black also allows a little colour to go a long way. A black linen tablecloth or runner sets the stage for the vibrancy and impact of a strong colour such as red. Or, for a clean and classy look try this black white and red linen combo together with neutrals such as stone, natural and ivory.

100% Irish linen. Hemstitched border. Fully machine washable.

The Prince And The Hose

HRH Prince Charles is introduced to a hose in Africa. Even though it is only a partial hose, future plans call for royal meetings with full length hoses on a worldwide basis.

Eye Nose

	"Sir, may I request a small concession from you?" "Of course, Jentili." "Sir, I find it irrational that I am required to iron your socks." "Irrational? You mean not sensible or useful Jentili?" "Exactly Sir." "Jentili, a sharp crease in my socks is pleasing to my eye." "But when your shoes are on Sir, that crease is not visible." "But Jentili, when I take my socks out of the sock drawer and look at the sharp crease you have ironed into them, I have an aesthetic event. Do you wish to deprive me of that?" "Not if I can stop putting velvet liners in your handkerchiefs Sir." "Deal Jentili."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

How To Argue With A Neocon

Tired of being shouted down in an argument with your local neocon? Then grab the new NeoGone PT 130.

The PT 130 emits a sustained 180 decibel blast that randomly fluctuates between 2000 and 4000 Hz, a damaging sonic assault to be sure.

So don't yell over them any more, relax and blast them into stunned silence with the NeoGone PT 130.

Couch Tumor

Matt Meets The Queen

	"Sir, the Queen has entered the reception." "Thank you Jentili, now please remain inconspicuous." "She's only two people away from you now Sir." "That was very helpful Jentili, I thought it was Lord Goldsmith in drag." "How do you do your Majesty?" "Very well, thank you Mr. Mental." "You know your Majesty, I was walking in downtown London maybe twenty years ago; and I looked up, and there was your mother waving to me from a car." "Well, isn't that lovely." "She was wearing a sky blue dress and hat." "It was one of her favourite colours." "I have only one question your Majesty: was your mother in fact there?" "Mister Mental, who is that irritating person behind you?"
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

An Obscenity

	"Jentili, it seems that the biggest emotional reactions to the term 'obscene' are related to consumption." "Consumption in the sense of consumerism Sir?" "Yes Jentili, it's puzzling, I just don't see it." "Another cup of DARJEELING Silver Tips Sir?" "Obviously. Another 'Queen of Teas' for Moi."
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

He's An Intellectual

	'He's an intellectual'. This means he went to Harvard, where he was 'educated' beyond his mental capacity. This is what turned him into a pompous buffoon. He was allowed to keep the degree and the tie pin.
	- Oswald W. Pocus

Let's put the BAIL back into Bailout!

Henry Paulson goes for a walk...

so does Ben Bernanke.

A Meeting With The Pope

	Suddenly Pope Benedict pushed a button on the side of his chair, and two Swiss guards brusquely removed me from the meeting. My sincere protests were ignored. My recommendation for you? Never ask the Pontiff which side he dresses on.
	- Mrs. Mildred Burke

Fundamentalist Materialists

	Somewhere, the point has to be made that fundamentalists and scientist-atheist types are the same, with different values plugged into their universal, intellectual, and personality-forming equations. The people who flatly dismiss things that they do not believe - regardless of the nature of the thing itself - are the same type of people, even if the things they dismiss are radically different. In order to balance this situation out, I propose that lab jackets should be turned into lab robes or gowns. Wearing these, fundamentalist materialists can ooze glamour and intellectual splendor in the luxury of silky chiffon, sure to make its way straight to your hearts. This timeless, iconic beauty has a standard neckline with side shirring pockets, a curve hugging silhouette with a floral embroidery at one side of the waist. A flaring, floor length lab gown with gathering effect emanates a classical ambiance with a sweeping train behind. That's better.
	- Dr. E. Havard Roach

A New Kind Of Church

Wouldn't it be interesting if there was an honest church?

A church that embraced their hypocrisy? A church that publicly admitted that getting a parking spot was more important to them than helping a homeless person?

A church that admitted they were quite happy with sponsoring ethnic cleansing?

I think such a church would get a big following.

Think of the cash flow!

Conspiracy Theories Are Real

	Conspiracy theories are self replicating. Every conspiracy theory generates a spin-off as soon as someone disbelieves it. The disbelief generates a child conspiracy theory to explain the unsatisfactory parent conspiracy theory. Conspiracy theories are real, just like stock certificates are real. There is a supply of them. There is a market for them. Someone should bring the market theory of supply and demand to this phenomenon and analyze it in terms of a market 'bubble'. Excessive State secrecy generates conspiracy theories because no truth or clarification is available. Will this market have a top?
	- Nigel Thint

Net Brain Syndrome

	As our internet use increases, our attention span shortens. This results in increasing shallowness of field. This in turn, leads to evolutionary changes where our brains assume the shape of our perceptual habits. We shall become flatheads or pancakeoids. I propose the term: 'internetencephalitis'. I think you've seen enough now.
	- Prof. Ferris White

Experts Demand Emergency Action On Second Hand Cellular Phone Radiation

There is a growing body of evidence that using cellular phones increases your risk of brain cancer. Exposing your head to cellular phone radiation is dangerous to you. However, the danger does not stop there. There is a new threat just now being understood: second hand microwave radiation. Earlier this year, the French and German governments warned against the use of cellular phones, especially by younger people, and called for steps to be taken to reduce radiation emanating from the handsets. Unfortunately, they did not address the danger of second hand radiation blasting through the heads of cellular phone users and endangering non cellular users in close proximity. As the accumulative effects of direct cellular radiation take their lethal measure of users, experts are now expressing concern about the massive second hand effects caused by more than three billion users worldwide. This gathering storm is the equivalent of a dirty bomb going off in a major city -- just slower. Non cellular users now face a virtual shooting gallery of cancer causing radiation whenever they go outside. In order to protect public safety, experts working for the government (who requested anonymity), told Matt Mental that the following urgent measures must be taken: 1)  Immediate establishment of cellular radiation free zones in bars, theaters, restaurants, barber shops, salons, art galleries, museums, hospitals, banks, grocery and department stores, malls, all retail outlets, all government and business offices, military bases, ships at sea, airplanes, work sites and mines.  2)  An aggressive tax on cell phone purchases of both hardware and time, to pay for the medical treatment of users and the victims of second hand cell phone radiation. 3)  Mandatory use of head faraday cages for all cellular users
and full body faraday cages for safe keeping during non transmission periods.
4)  Mandatory radioactive arm band symbols to be publicly displayed at all times by cell carriers. It is hoped that these initial measures will help to avert a catastrophe. More information ios at this link.

Culture Statement

	You can't really see your cultural architecture from the inside. To know what you are in - you have to leave it. This also applies to clothing.
	- D. Paul Delaniquist

Fashion Statement

	Stop twisting and contorting yourself with every passing fad.  Take a stand.  Be something other than a miserable, pathetic, coward.
	- W. D. Fortay

Anger Management

	If the solution is to attack someone personally - to smear them - then, the problem is that you have a great deal to lose when they speak.
	- Mildred Pew

First Pentecostal Baptist Church of the Chosen Ones celebrates its IPO

	IMMEDIATE RELEASE The First Pentecostal Baptist Church of the Chosen Ones (ticker symbol: C.ONES) has become the most recent church to be listed on the New York Religious Exchange (NYRE). FPB president and founder, Rev. H. Eldon Biggs, said in a prepared sermon that FPB's new Turbo line of anointed clothes were targeted at the lucrative white male executive niche in the healing market.   About FPB FPB is the leading provider of religious cloth healing solutions. FPB’s customer base includes 100% of the District Court judges in the southern United States and more than 84% of local politicians. FPB’s broad and proven suite of healing and anointing solutions addresses a range of complex religious problems that include posture optimization, personal continuity, financial offering verification and tracking and deathbed management. FPB was founded in 0034 and is based in Denton, Texas.  About NYRE NYRE operates the world's largest and most liquid religious exchange and offers the most diverse array of religious products and services. NYRE is the world leader for listings, trading in religious equities, spiritual derivatives, Godly bonds and the distribution of religious market data. Representing a combined $3.3 trillion total market capitalization of listed religions and average daily trading value of approximately $13.9 billion, NYRE seeks to provide the highest standards of market quality and integrity, innovative products and services to investors and issuers.