Pianissimo Gravitisimo

If a piano was falling out of a window onto an unsuspecting member of the grammatical police or a literary watchdog and I yelled, "Look the fuck out!” He would not move.

Your Two O'Clock

Near Earth Objects

Doctor Bagly and his astronomical team slowly came to realize that the rogue asteroid fit no known category.

Obama Is Coming In

Fourth and eight trillion, and Obama is coming in to attempt a 265,000 mile field goal.

Couch Tumor

Jesus Trades

Jesus looking at his trading screen in disbelief as the DOW flirts with a downside limit lock.

Ceeing Klearly

	"Sir, I am deeply concerned about global warming and greenhouse gases." "You FOOL Jentili! Choice of model determines interpretation of data!" "I'm sorry Sir." "FOOL! Fuh fuh fuh OOOOOL!" "I truly apologize Sir." "Fuh. Ouu. El!" "Yes Sir, I admit I am a fool." "Jentili, what model is that?"
	- excerpt from one of Matt's conversations

Another Day At The Office

"Dear Jesus, your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter..."

Higher Hypocrisy

A little hypocrisy later....

A Million Monkeys

Could a million monkeys, each typing all day long, produce a perfect copy of the original source documents of the Bible?

Could a second million monkeys, each searching all day long, find the original source documents of the Bible - so we could tell if the work of the first million monkeys was accurate?

Obituary Envy

Steve Jobs is still alive, but a mistake by Bloomberg published his obituary. All 17 pages.

This is a massive obituary.

Seventeen pages. Can you imagine how other former people feel today, knowing that they got fewer pages?

Religious Argument With Airballs

Do you see this airball in my hand? I'm going to toss it to you, and I want you to catch it.

This is the essense of religious argument.


- Rev. Harold Fowler Tinty

Fundamentalist Materialists

	Somewhere, the point has to be made that fundamentalists and scientist-atheist types are the same, with different values plugged into their universal, intellectual, and personality-forming equations. The people who flatly dismiss things that they do not believe - regardless of the nature of the thing itself - are the same type of people, even if the things they dismiss are radically different. In order to balance this situation out, I propose that lab jackets should be turned into lab robes or gowns. Wearing these, fundamentalist materialists can ooze glamour and intellectual splendor in the luxury of silky chiffon, sure to make its way straight to your hearts. This timeless, iconic beauty has a standard neckline with side shirring pockets, a curve hugging silhouette with a floral embroidery at one side of the waist. A flaring, floor length lab gown with gathering effect emanates a classical ambiance with a sweeping train behind. That's better.
	- Dr. E. Havard Roach

Conspiracy Theories Are Real

	Conspiracy theories are self replicating. Every conspiracy theory generates a spin-off as soon as someone disbelieves it. The disbelief generates a child conspiracy theory to explain the unsatisfactory parent conspiracy theory. Conspiracy theories are real, just like stock certificates are real. There is a supply of them. There is a market for them. Someone should bring the market theory of supply and demand to this phenomenon and analyze it in terms of a market 'bubble'. Excessive State secrecy generates conspiracy theories because no truth or clarification is available. Will this market have a top?
	- Nigel Thint