Customer Service

"Waiter, the pâté is not to my satisfaction."

"What is the problem with it sir?"

"It's not smooth enough."

"I'll tend to it immediately sir, but first may I ask you a few questions? State your full name; your personal net worth; corporate board affiliations; political party membership; and whether you are long or short the shares of our parent company."

"What?!"

"I will send this information along to our Managing Director. In the meantime, I'll have Maurice come over and suck your cock. MAURICE! You'll like Maurice sir, he's one of our best cocksuckers."