The United States Department of Silence

	What follows is the only surviving record of Matt Mental's interrupted interview with Justin Case, Secretary of The United States Department of Silence. Matt Mental: I'm speaking with Justin Case, Secretary of the United States Department of Silence. Thank you for your time Mr. Secretary. Justin Case: You're welcome, Matt. MM: I'd like to first ask you about the history of your department. How was it started? JC: Well Matt, that's classified. I'm sorry. MM: Not too worry. I understand these things. After all, you're here now, so let's just move along. Perhaps, Mr. Secretary, we might spend some time on the role of the Department of Silence in the government. JC: Yes, go on. MM: The ROLE, the function of the Department of Silence? JC: Well clearly Matt, the maintenance of good standards of silence is very important to us all. The Department of Silence is dedicated to upholding best practices in silence with the objective of keeping the United States first in the world in the implementation of silence. MM: Do you mean the ABSENSE of noise? JC: Not only the absence of noise Matt, but also the absence of openness, and the consolidation of a more secretive government with a more muted population. MM: That's a rather BOLD statement Mr. Secretary. JC: I'd rather not comment on that. MM: But you JUST said it. You mean you won't comment on what you just said? JC: That's right. MM: Well then, what's the point of talking to you? JC: I could have you arrested, you little tit. MM: Excuse me, Mr. Secretary ... that's TEAT.